Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
