whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
