Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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