Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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