Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
