it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
