3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
