im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
