She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
