dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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