I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.