I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text