I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
