Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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