that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.