I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.