And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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