i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
