apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
