God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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