just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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