I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
