guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
