I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
