Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
