You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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