You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
