I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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