my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
