You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
