can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
