He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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