you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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