Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
