remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize