Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
