im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
