I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
