none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
