I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sponge bath it is.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
