you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
