brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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