i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
