There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
