I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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