mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
