im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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