for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
