im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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