She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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