We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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