im six kinds of drunk right now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
