You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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