"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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