If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i've created a new STD.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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