Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
