his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
