they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I checked into jail on foursquare
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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