he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
