Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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