Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
