his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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