She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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