I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
