I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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