Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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