dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
