This girl is more easily done than said...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
