My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
