She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
