the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
