It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
