So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
