Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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