I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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