Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All the doctor said was why
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
