I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize