oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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