The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
