why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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