I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
